Everyone wants to have a happy life; it is a desire that beats in every heart. Most of us are truthful when we pledge our love to someone. We truly want our relationships to work; we want to make ours the words at the end of every fairy tale “and they lived happily ever after”. So, if this is what we all want, why don’t we achieve it? Why is it so elusive for most of us? Sometimes it seems that we are always running uphill and happiness downhill. We see others happy, or at least, we believe they are; as they say “the neighbor’s grass is always greener”
Before we proceed we need to establish that happiness is an interior state that is achieved with hard work. Contrary to popular believe, the possession of material things doesn’t bring about true happiness to a person. Today’s society has an abundance of material possessions like no other generation has had, yet we see people suffering from depression, they are always bored and suicidal rates are higher every year. I mentioned in another article that we are taught to be egocentric; everyone and everything has to revolve around us, we want, we want and we want, because of this, we have forgotten how to give ourselves.
Usually, the greatest changes in society begin with the change of a person, so let’s become one of those who change one’s surroundings. The interior state of happiness, so desired by all, is within everyone’s reach, but certain pillars have to be built to provide a solid support for it: wisdom, understanding, counsel, strength, knowledge, goodness, and care for love.
Let’s look at each one of these pillars, to be able to get a better understanding of them, in order to apply them in our lives. I want to start from the last one to the first one.
1. Care for love: most of us don’t really know the true meaning of this precious word, because it has been so abused and misused. It is normally associated with sex and desires. Love is a sentiment that finds its support on good thinking process and educated feelings. When mind and heart are working together, these two bring about the true meaning of love. We hear most people say “follow your feelings” or “follow your instincts”, but we cannot live our lives this way. Feelings alone are deceiving and instincts have to follow reasonable discernment. Love is the true essence of life, is life itself. Most of us have read or heard these words “God is Love”. If we really pay attention to what we have just said, it’s going to help us look at love in a whole different perspective.
If we say that love is life itself; we have to care for love, for without true love we are dead, we might be biologically alive, but spiritually dead. We have to respect love, we have to care for it, but we cannot go against it, we cannot manipulate it, we cannot abuse it, etc…
It is important to get a clear understanding of love to be able to build on the other pillars, so, when we face the hard battles ahead of us, in our pursuit of happiness, we won’t dismay. We’ll know what we are fighting for.
2. Goodness is what helps us relate to others, to give them the rights, the help, the understanding, the value, the time, the love, the forgiveness and the support that we want for ourselves.
3. Knowledge: I want to look at this word in its spiritual sense. Knowledge is spiritual science. It’s learning to evaluate things, situations, people, words, and feelings in their true content and nature. When we do this, it is very difficult to make a mistake and it is going to help goodness flow naturally through us. Knowledge helps us examine other’s actions and words in their true dimension, and it will keep us from making the wrong assumptions, which normally split families and break up relationships.
4. Strength: we have to learn to endure through difficult times. To win a war we have to fight many battles, and most likely we are going to lose some battles, but we have to stay focused on our goal. We have to get up and learn from our mistakes, this is going to help us plan a different strategy. We’re still going to have fights with our spouses, as well as misunderstandings, wrong attitudes, and offensive words, but we have to come to ourselves and not get desperate. Nothing changes overnight, and everything is a process. It took years to become what we are, and it’s going to take time to change, but we are defending our love and happiness.
Someone told me a true story of man who was having some difficult times with his wife, and he was always blaming her for all the problems they were having. Does this sound familiar? All of a sudden he disappeared. Some years later he finds the man on the street, they began to talk, and after a while he asks the question, "So, how are you doing? Are you still with your wife or did you get divorced?" He said, "We got divorced, and I remarried." My acquaintance asked, "Are you happy now? The man said, "Same hell, different demon."
Most people think that the best way to solve a problem is running away from it - that’s the world’s mentality. We hear: get divorced, find someone else. With those words, we are putting the entire blame on the other, and we are not assuming any fault of our own. As far as I know, it takes two to tango. If we never quit for what we consider important, then why should we quit for the most important thing of all: love, and the happiness that comes with it.
5. Counsel: I’d also like to look at this word in its spiritual sense. True counsel is the capacity to hear the reasoning that comes from these other two pillars: understanding and wisdom. Understanding is going to help us view the problem in front of us, dissect it, see the pros and cons, and reach a conclusion. Wisdom is going to help us apply those conclusions in the best way and at the best time.
6. Understanding: we have more or less explained what understanding is, in the previous pillar. We can add that to be able to grow in our understanding, we need a higher level of spiritual maturity, and that higher level can only be provided by God. But, we can say that it is learning to see people, things, and problems beyond our human capacities. We have to transcend to our spiritual realm. It is looking at everything from the inside, but keeping the objectivity.
7. Wisdom is feeling complete, is knowing when to do things, when to keep quiet, when to speak, and how to say things. Wisdom is letting love dictate our lives, is letting love be our center. As long as we let love at the center of our lives, we are going to be happy, and we are going to feel interiorly unified.
To begin the process we have to sit down and reflect on our reality. We have to be honest with ourselves, and we cannot continue blaming everything and everyone for our problems and short comings. We need to assume responsibility for the problems we currently have, and if necessary we need to write them down. We must understand that we cannot attack all of our problems at the same time. We have to measure our strengths, determine our virtues, and write them down. Once we know our weaknesses and strengths, we have to plan a strategy, and it is always better to start with the easiest one. The savor of victory will help us walk through the most difficult ones.
I plan to expand on each one of these pillars, but I wanted to put some food on your plate, so you, the reader, can start working on your new, happy and successful life and marriage.
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